• A Dog’s New Years Resolutions:

    Posted on December 30th, 2011
    admin 1 comment

    A Dog’s New Years Resolutions:

    I will stop trying to find the few remaining clean pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

    I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

    I will not eat other animals’ poop.

    I will not lick my human’s face after eating animal poop.

    I will not eat my own vomit.

    I will not eat “kitty box crunchies”.

    I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing.

    The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.

    I will not chew my human’s toothbrush and not tell them.

    I will not chew crayons or pens, specially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

    When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it’s raining outside.

    I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.

    I will not bark each time I hear a door bell on TV.

    I will not walk under the big dog when he is peeing.

    I will not steal Mom’s underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

    I will not play tug-o’-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.

    The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad’s laps.

    My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

    I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mom’s driver’s license and car registration.

    I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.

    I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

    The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

    I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.



    One response to “A Dog’s New Years Resolutions:”

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