{"id":362,"date":"2011-12-30T09:26:39","date_gmt":"2011-12-30T17:26:39","guid":{"rendered":"\/blog\/?p=362"},"modified":"2014-01-13T21:02:59","modified_gmt":"2014-01-13T21:02:59","slug":"a-dogs-new-years-resolutions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/a-dogs-new-years-resolutions","title":{"rendered":"A Dog’s New Years Resolutions:"},"content":{"rendered":"

A Dog’s New Years Resolutions:<\/strong><\/p>\n

I will stop trying to find the few remaining clean pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.<\/p>\n

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.<\/p>\n

I will not eat other animals’ poop.<\/p>\n

I will not lick my human’s face after eating animal poop.<\/p>\n

I will not eat my own vomit.<\/p>\n

I will not eat “kitty box crunchies”.<\/p>\n

I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard after processing.<\/p>\n

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.<\/p>\n

I will not chew my human’s toothbrush and not tell them.<\/p>\n

I will not chew crayons or pens, specially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.<\/p>\n

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it’s raining outside.<\/p>\n

I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.<\/p>\n

I will not bark each time I hear a door bell on TV.<\/p>\n

I will not walk under the big dog when he is peeing.<\/p>\n

I will not steal Mom’s underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.<\/p>\n

I will not play tug-o’-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.<\/p>\n

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad’s laps.<\/p>\n

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.<\/p>\n

I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mom’s driver’s license and car registration.<\/p>\n

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.<\/p>\n

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.<\/p>\n

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.<\/p>\n

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.<\/p>\n

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!\u00a0 FROM EARTH CARE PRODUCTS<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A Dog’s New Years Resolutions: I will stop trying to find the few remaining clean pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. I will not eat other animals’ poop. I will not lick my human’s face after eating animal […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[10],"tags":[50],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/362"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=362"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/362\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":364,"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/362\/revisions\/364"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=362"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=362"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=362"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}