From: THE DOG
\nDear God,
\nLet me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.
\n1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
\n2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
\n3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
\n4. The sofa is not a ‘face towel’.
\n5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
\n6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
\n7. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying ‘hello’.
\n8. I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table
\n9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house – not after.
\n10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
\n11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
\n12. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’ so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.<\/p>\n
P.S. Dear God, When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
From: THE DOG Dear God, Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog. 1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or after they throw it up. 2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/89"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=89"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/89\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":90,"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/89\/revisions\/90"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=89"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=89"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.cleartheair.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=89"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}